How to Self-regulate when Parenting Feels Impossible

Dayna Abraham

Key Takeaways:

  • Stress and executive functioning are deeply connected—when stress increases, the brain’s ability to plan, organize, and regulate emotions decreases. This is why parenting feels overwhelming, especially in the early years.

  • A key strategy is SBA (Stop, Breathe, Anchor):

    • Stop and plant your feet.
    • Breathe deeply (hand on heart for self-regulation).
    • Anchor yourself with a memory, phrase, or grounding action (e.g., remembering your child as a baby or telling yourself “now is not the time”).
  • Practicing regulation techniques outside stressful moments helps build habits, making it easier to access these tools in the heat of the moment.

  • Visualizing challenging situations and mentally rehearsing responses helps parents stay calm, similar to how elite athletes prepare for high-stress performances.

  • Shifting perspective from “my child is giving me a hard time” to “my child is having a hard time” fosters empathy and patience.

 

Dayna Abraham, bestselling author of Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Roadmap for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids.

As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world.

Through her compassionate framework, Calm the Chaos, she has helped millions of desperate parents around the world, find peace and meet their children where they’re at when conventional parenting tools have failed them.

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